Does the moon have you down? Are you in need of some divine cosmic help from above? Do you have some questions about Mercury’s retrograde and its impact on your life? Resident diviner and celestial guru Vanessa explains the cosmos effect on the only thing that matters, what you should be eating this month.

ur future told to u in the context of sauces n spreads


ARIES- eggplant hummus

What up its Feb baby. Master the delicate and perilous art that is wearing sneakers outside. Learn some tricks on the sidewalk ice. Pull a Tonya, do a triple axel. Eat some hummus also. Mmmmm yes hummus, you love it or you hate it. You keep six containers in your fridge or you shudder at it’s mention. But I truly believe that even the most skeptical hummus-goers (?) will appreciate this magical combo. It’s the baba-hummus lovechild you never knew you needed. A lil smokey, a lil creamy. A real showstopper. Stop a show this month, Venus enters Pisces on the 10th, seems like as good a time as any.




TAURUS- garlic aioli

Ring around the rosie, pockets full of garlic aioli. Spread this shit on anything thats looking a little sad; a sammie, a particularly dry art history reading, a broken heart. Let your heart get broken just so you have an excuse to eat garlic aioli. Master Connect Four this month, don’t stop until you are the undisputed Connect Four champion of Drink or Needs or Buell St or wherever else has ‘Nect (sorry) on deck at all times. Since garlic aioli has a lil bit of a kick try softening up everything else about your life. Use more fabric softener and brush your hair for ten straight minutes then acquire and pet a rabbit.






Salt is important don’t let anyone tell you differently and good god pls do not deny yourself the salty things in life. The ocean is salty and also vast and all knowing! Did you know that we know less about the deepest parts of the ocean than we do about the face of the moon? Who knows what’s down there, maybe its treasure maybe it’s our collective inability to feel empathy! Try and ooze empathy out of your being this month ok? Tears are salty, so let this be a reminder that it’s ok to cry!!! You may need to cry a lil after releasing so much empathy out ya system. Proud of you. Try and make more stir fries this month and invite a old pal over to enjoy with. Add cashews to your stir fries, edamame too, and don’t forget a big ol splash of that soy sauce.


cancer- bolognese 

One time I went to Bologna for four whole hours and if I learned anything there it’s that you must exhale your inner demons and take in all the world has to give you, and also that a train door WILL close on your body if you don’t get out of the way in time! Both very valuable lessons! My tip to you, sweet Cancer is not to let your emotions dictate your feelings. Say you happen to see an especially dank bolognese pic online and then realize that it’s vegan. woooow. Don’t stress just make it anyway even though you have been preconditioned to think that veganism and satanism are synonymous. Get into pickling, radishes especially. Take up splatter painting. Also steer clear of train doors they are not to be trusted.



LEO- salted caramel 

You thought we forgot about sweet sauces huh? Yeaaa rite. Here is what you must take into consideration this month sweet Leo babe, everyone you meet comes into your life for a reason and it is up to YOU to realize what that is. And to learn from them and let them teach you even if they’re the most sour, stale, motherfucker on planet earth. You also must do some stretching this month. Toe touches at the minimum. Learn a guitar riff, say a hail mary, drink a bloody mary, call your auntie Mary, and burn some sage or something idk.



virgo- pesto 

February is notorious for a couple things; bitter cold, being a liiiil short, large rodents predicting the weather, and celebrating love, loving and everything romantic, sappy, and filled with chocolate. In my humble opinion the best way to say “I love and appreciate you” is a homemade pasta din, with pesto of course. To really set the mood light some candles, pop a cork, and scream David Cassidy’s I Think I Love You in your significant others face. Nothing screams I love you more than screaming I love you. If you don’t have a significant other in your life I recommend that you invest in a good flask, spend more time walking, and listen to more Usher. Let’s also not forget that this month of loving should not be restricted to lovers! Let everyone, no matter the impact they’ve had in your life understand how loved and appreciated they are! Your mailman, your snailman, all your mans (and womans thanks B-dog) 



libra- ketchup

Feb is kind of a weird month because moves are being made but very gradually, and that’s hard to think about because gradual change is very much the scariest kind of change. No one wants to wake up one morning and not recognize anything around them. It can be a real scary time for everyone especially if you’re maybe in college and maybe about to not be in college! The most important thing to remember is that the Sahara desert was still called the Sahara desert 10 years ago, and will most likely still be known at the Sahara in another 10. But the sand, every little piece of rock and quartz is without a doubt ever changing, it’s infinitely different from minute to minute. Mirror this, expand and retract as you grow yet stay constant at your core. Ohhh and ketchup. Eat more ketchup! Which means eat more burgers and freez and grilled chz! Don’t make ketchup sandwiches. Take a shot of apple cider vinegar every morning, count your blessings. Twice!


scorpio- bbq

BBQ has so much SOUL, so much PASSION!!! Eat more BBQ this month. We know that Feb is a passionate type of month and YOU are a passionate type of person so why not live it up and life it the heck out? BBQ is one of those things that you can really treat yourself to so don’t skimp. Get a sampler at Bluebird or something idk. Also type in caps lock more to really EMPHASIZE your FEELINGS. Wear more jewel tones, do some heel kicks, drink more whiskey, braid Challah, buy a peace lily or an aloe they’ll cleanse the air in your room and are a real nice companion.



sagittarius- creamy butternut squash 

Eat your plants but first turn them into creamy sauces and load em up with cracked black pepper. Also practice saying no to people. This may sound negative but you don’t want to overextend yourself and promise more than you can deliver. Promise the exact amount that you can deliver. Our very own Madison for example can deliver a weird pronunciation of the word “dairy” and an unnerving devotion to Lebron James’ butt, but we know this about her so all is well. Practice breathing mindfully, invest in a hardcore water bottle, open your heart and mind to oat milk, listen to the new Khruangbin.


capricorn- balsamic

Just cover yourself in balsamic, have a great month.






aquarius- chocolate fudge 

Make a banana split with a bday candle in it cause when is the last time you had a banana split? Why do people call sprinkles Jimmies? How are sprinkles I mean Jimmies made? How is glitter made also? How many holes does a straw have? Questions to ponder this month. Try to be more inquisitive, more curious, you can do this because you are not a cat. Chocolate fudge sauce is indulgent, sure, but this year is flying by already so you deserve it. One way to stop time a lil bit it to take a bunch of pictures, or paint a bunch of pictures, so do that with care. Memories are slippery. So are banana peels. Everything comes full circle.


pisces- sriracha 

Birth months are fun huh?! This birth month do the hokey pokey but instead of turning yourself around, turn yourself inward and reflect upon all of the beautiful experiences that have led you to where you are today. Hopefully one of those was the first time you tried Sriracha. Hot tip, after your bottle of Sriracha is empty fill it up with a neutral oil and then bam, chili oil for days. Start a hot topic convo with your buddies, best way to learn the intricacies of their beautiful minds. Light up the dance floor next weekend, don't blow out your bday candles, let your hair down, dye it red, chew cinnamon gum, make a move on that cutie that sits behind you in Friday class.


There is no replacement for the OG: